August

Ruthie: My eye hurts. You will wipe it with a washclof wif water on it?
Me: Okay.
Ruthie: You not gonna take my eye out and wipe the back of it, are you?
Me: What?
Ruthie: You not gonna take my eye out and wipe the back of it, are you?
Me: No. No, I’m not.

Ruthie: Can we go get ice cream?
Chalupa: Give me a good reason why.
Ruthie: Because we have to.
Chalupa: Good enough for me.

Ruthie spent ten minutes of dinner holding a chicken nugget to her ear, insisting she was talking to Grandma Carol about why she got in trouble at the shoe store, but how she had made good choices after her time out.

Ruthie: Look, costumes!
Me: On a billboard?
Ruthie: Yeah, on a baseboard.
Me: Billboard. A baseboard is something else.
Ruthie: Yeah, on a baseboard.
Me: Billboard.
Ruthie: Basebild?
Me: Billboard.
Ruthie: Baselborild?
Me: Bill. Board.
Ruthie: BILL. BILD.
Me: You’re getting closer. Billboard.
Ruthie: BASE BILD!
Me: That’ll work.

Ruthie: What’s that pony’s name?
Me: I don’t know.
Ruthie: What’s that pony’s name?
Me: I don’t know.
Ruthie: What’s its name?!
Me: Ruthie, I don’t know that pony’s name.
Ruthie: TELL ME THAT PONY’S NAME!
Me: Sweetheart, I don’t know. If we watch the show, we’ll probably find out.
Ruthie: TELL ME ABOUT THAT PONY’S NAME, MOMMY! PLEASE!
Me: Fine! That pony’s name is Pony Sparkle Super Pony.
Ruthie: Okay.

A conversation at Target:
Ruthie: Look. There’s bras.
Me: Yep, but I’m not going to buy any.
Ruthie: Yeah. You gonna wait til they get cheaper?

September

Ruthie: GIVE ME A HORSEY BACK RIDE!
Me: When you are ready to use the potty, I will give you a horsey back ride.
Ruthie: No! Give me a horsey back ride to my bed RIGHT NOW!
Me: No. When you use the potty, I will give you a horsey back ride to your bed.
Ruthie: THAT! IS! NOT! A! GOOD! PLAN!

Me: Ruthie, stop playing with your food.
Ruthie: I not playing wif my food. I am putting ketchup on my banana.
Me: Are you going to eat your ketchup-covered banana?
Ruthie: No.
Me: That’s called playing with your food.
Ruthie: No, I not playing wif my food. I am putting ketchup on my banana.

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