When your partner* is chronically ill, you become an expert in the subtleties of their behavior. You become a scholar in the way they move and breathe and sleep. You get your PhD in Observation & Reaction. You know when to speak up to ask how he is, when to stay quiet, when to end the visit with friends early, when to say no, we’ll just stay home tonight, thanks. You know exactly what it means when there are grey smudges under his eyes, and you know the difference between a painful breath and a labored one, and you know when something he says doesn’t make sense that it’s oxygen deprivation. When your partner is chronically ill, you notice things they don’t even notice,…